The trouble with pregnancy loss.

It really isn’t!

The one thing that is in my favour is that I am writing from my own experience. Pregnancy loss is something that I know a bit about. That helps of course. I also don’t have to worry about being particularly creative which is another thing to be grateful for, because J.K Rowling I am not! All this book requires of me is to share my own experiences in a logical way that hopefully will help others with their journeys through pregnancy loss. It was my choice to write it, something that I have talked about doing for over a decade now. I don’t HAVE to write a book, I WANT to write a book. So, why am I finding it so hard?

The version I am working on (and have nearly finished), is my 3rd or 4th version (I have lost count). It is my favourite of them all. I used to feel frustrated with myself for taking so long to write it but now I am only grateful. With each day that passes I have random but helpful thoughts of things to add and ways to add them. If my book had been written already, those thoughts would have been irritating reminders of what I could have written but didn’t. While my book is still in process, all these little thoughts and ideas stand a chance of being included. What if the ideas keep coming after it’s been published?

I also worry about whether my book might offend someone. I talk frankly about the lack of understanding in society as a whole but also in those around me. Am I going to upset them? I hope not. But, I can’t leave this topic out of the book because this in part is why I am writing it. To improve the understanding of others in the hope that we can irradicate the misunderstanding surrounding pregnancy loss and take the taboo out of it.

Then there is the question of ‘what next’? What do I do after I have written the book? I decided quite shortly after my second pregnancy loss to write a book about it. It has certainly been a long time coming. I’m currently in that ‘sweet spot’ of seeing my goal actually come to life with the completion of it in sight whilst still being in the process of achieving it. I’m not sure what I will do when I have achieved it. That will be it, done. And then comes the worry about whether anyone is actually going to buy it. What if after all these years it just sits on a shelf somewhere waiting to help someone but instead just gathers dust?

All these thoughts lead to me procrastinating with my book. After all, it’s not an easy topic, there are a lot of difficult memories to be recalled and transferred into words. Instead of spending a morning writing, I’ll take the dog for a walk and clean the kitchen. Eventually, I become frustrated with myself and get a big burst of energy and inspiration and the writing flows. I am making progress, slowly but steadily. I like what I have written so far and I just hope that there are people out there who will appreciate reading it.

It’s not easy writing about pregnancy loss, but what would have been harder is never writing about it.